lite a match!!

FUCK YOUR BIRTHDAY

2006-07-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

FUCK YOUR BIRTHDAY

Ain't my job to fuck your birthday,
23 years old

i have seen you 10 times
i want a present. love, germany.

Fuck your birthday sucker.
My birthday is on June 23!

HAHAHA YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!
They'd all have this picture on the cover

Fuck you and fuck your birthday, Dumbshit! ...

Fuck your birthday party bitch!
I support this petition because my

littel sister loves this band so much
get out of my house.

i love you call me later.
So fuck your birthday.

I'm going to piss up your ass tommorow.
How do like that????

Happy Birthday, squirt!
I will be attending with 2 guest(s)

fuck your birthday.
I hope your birthday present

is an incentive to hurry us into the next cycle.

I HOPE YOU GET AIDS

2006-07-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

I HOPE YOU GET AIDS

you are a horrible person.
i hope you get aids for saying that.

If I had just one wish this holiday season,
it would be that your skin would turn into bees.

Santa Clause hates you.
I hope you get AIDS, Mr. Feeler

it's really good to hear your voice saying my name,
I hope you get AIDS and die.

Or if you already have AIDS,
I hope you die soon.

You're a cold, heartless son of a bitch
who enjoys the misery of others.

Go choke on a sausage.
I hope you get AIDS from some camel fucking arab asshole.

You may not have a twisted mind,
but I see you enjoy toying with people.

His terrible voice clung to me as I turned
a quick corner, his words echoing off the buildings on Fifth Street.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY A LITTLE HONESTY
AND LABEL YOUR SITE "PERVERTS TAKE VERMONT"

WHICH IS WHAT IT OUGHT TO BE CALLED.
I HOPE YOU GET AIDS AND DIE SLOWLY

Worthless fuck!
You with the rape comments,

i hope you get AIDS, but first after your penis
foreskin is bitten off by dirty rats.

the downright protesting-a-little-bit-too-much-if-you-know-what-I-mean homophobic "well I hope you get AIDS from your boyfriend and die" type of hate.

thanks for commenting on me fuck face.
Hey Penny you are so hot talk to you soon.

I WANT HOTTIES

2006-07-20T06:35:00.000-07:00

I want hotties!!!
Plus, they allow annoying women there,

XL doesn't except on ladies night.
And finally, ever try to take a piss at Trixx?

I want hotties on my desktop.
candy for bad children

I want hotties dancing around to
their favorite punk rock songs!

I want pierced up, tattooed rock boys,
geeky computer nerds, sexy brainiacs,

I WANT HOTTIES WITH BODIES AND CUTIES WITH BOTIES.
yourm sooo hottttttttttttttttttttttttt

i want to squeeze yr ass badd
Let's Masturbate!

EEZ ok I guess.
But where's the poo poo?

I want HOTTIES to donate their bodies
to my cause! AGE: 42 POSITION: No Preference

If I want hotties I go to France

remember how clumsy you are while
you're being punished.

'i want hotties goen bad inside me.
' with that hotties goen bad got up

and pulled kelley from the booth.
I blushed and tried to shield myself.

BRITNEY GOT FAT

2006-07-19T05:15:00.000-07:00

BRITNEY GOT FAT

Me too!! Thanks alot!
LMAO thats so funny MAN

BRITNEY GOT FAT lol.
Hell, it made me shelve my next

"Britney Got Fat" thread (that's real ultimate power!)
I mean, Britney got fat,

and then it turns out not only was she FAT,
she was PREGNANT.

I mean, geez, how bad can it get for the guy?
i wanted to say, i can see why people once thought

you looked like britney. i think the reason no one
does anymore is because britney got fat and trashy

I liked them they way they were before she had the baby,
they're pretty big. all i can say is HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

BRITNEY GOT FAT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
okay. i feel better.

Britney Spears having hard time with carbs
its fine that britney got fat, but she really shouldn't be

wearing all her old, tight clothes.
Shes literally popping out of them and its pretty sick.

K-fed tripped up on his cock Then Britney got fat.
Call it school yard envy, but more often than not,

we love to hear how Britney got fat,
or how Lindsay Lohan’s father wants her dead.

Somewhere along the line, Britney got fat and ugly.
Come on, people. Put on some clothes.

1. the reason Britney got fat.
2. the embryo that will eventually grow

into the stupidest yet most oddly attractive
(in a rodent-skank kind of way)

SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT

2006-07-19T05:05:00.000-07:00

SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT

I am so sick of your shit.
You think you are so cool, don't you?

Thinking you can join that group of the
really tough kids if you can prove yourself.

Why is it that everytime I call,
I get transferred to your voice mail system?

oh dont start this bullshit with me again,
im so sick of your shit, just fuck off and

leave it alone, nobody cares but you.
Nothing's ever yours to keep,

Chad i am so sick of your shit. Big Al.
Well, If i wasn't snooping through your comments i'd be lying.

i'll provide the fuel if you provide the sweethearts.
Hey um Fuck you buddy. yeah thats right.

and you've got everything, but all you're
lacking is substance. i'm so sick of this.

If you had to repeat the worst thing you have ever said to your mom
Comment: "I am so sick of your shit. Is it that impossible for you

to act like the rest of the human race or do
you just get off on being a nasty bitch.

Whether you're a wife, What an idiot.
He's dragging this out and he's hurting himself. Wicked smart!

I am so sick of your shit Stephan.
Play with fire and you get burned.

SO sick of your shit, chris! not sick enough
not to visit you at hamp-crack-shire.

YEAH FIONA APPLE. HOWIE DAY?!?!?
Harry Potter to Lord Voldemort (a voice in his head)

"It was the feeling of a cool liquid spreading throughout
her entire body

I hope all the whining cry babies out there,
and the pseudo depressed pop ass holes go choke somewhere

because I’m so sick of your shit.

YOU'RE NOT FUCKING FUNNY

2006-07-18T05:22:00.000-07:00

YOU'RE NOT FUCKING FUNNY

YOU'RE NOT FUCKING FUNNY!
ARRRRRRRRGHH! PLEASE SAVE YOUR

BEEFHART IMPRESSIONS FOR YOUR LITTLE BROTHER.
YOU MIGHT FEEL IMPERIOUS THEN BUT EVERYONE ELSE

You think disrespecting my wife is funny,
you pile of fucking shit?

It's not. So knock it the fuck off, asshole.
It would be called, "You're Not Fucking Funny."

Actually, I think it's "You're Not Funny,"
but I believe it needed more emphasis on how non-funny most guys are

so I can say to that 8 year old black comedienne,
"YOU'RE NOT FUCKING FUNNY!"

You're not fucking funny or original,
you're another asshole elitist

No, Son of Ironchief, you only got two strikes
because you're not fucking funny. my grass is blue.

TEHEHEHEHEHE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you're not fucking funny
and your writing is pathetically horrible pick a different hobby, please

Still, I just opened CNN.com hoping to find out
more info on the Missing Whippet

You're not fucking funny anymore, we all know it,
I think you're smart enough to know that YOU know it,

You're not fucking funny. I'ma tough bitch and a Zippo
could leave a nasty mark on your perfect yuppy fucking face,

so watch yourself.
you're not eccentric, you're not fucking funny

your clothes look like you got dressed in the
fucking dark and you are a fucking PONCE TWAT.

Well, I guess Ross is the coolest and Chandler
is the suckiest...guess what...you're not fucking funny at all.

Ross is cool because he's an anthropologist,
I wish you were funnier too. Welcome.

This place is like crack cocaine so be careful.
Some of the older members are a bit like rabid dogs.

And i wish you were funnier. And pope idol is possibly
the best-taste joke i've ever seen.

And this must be really hurting you, as a grammar nazi

Ok, nice reading you, although I wish you were funnier,
you know? More cryptic! But you got ANSWERS, right?

Great Film, though I wish you were funnier.
Also, the Shins scene with Natalie is one of the top

10 movie scenes ever.

SUCH A FUCKING SELLOUT

2006-07-16T20:30:00.000-07:00

SUCH A FUCKING SELLOUT

God you are such a fucking sellout!!!
Within the next year when blogs are out of style

these celebritY "FRIENDS" won't have anything
to do with your fat fucking botoxed ass

matt you're such a fucking sellout Where did
the love go? 4 ELEMENTS, Peace and UNITY,

where is your hiphopheart?
for real though man, that shit is weak.

Fuck you for being such a fucking sellout, you sellout asshole.
Even though I cannot bear to part with you,

the simple concept is fucking sickening.
I'm such a fucking sellout.

Then again, it is summer and nothing's coming
out right now. Shit, I still need to finish Quake 4.

About me: Yes, I'm on MySpace now.
I'm such a fucking sellout.

You fucking sellout coward, did you ever think
you'd be taking roles that were too white for LL Cool J?

He that poses as a metalhead on one show,
a retarded dominatrix counselor on another,

and Carson Daly's protege on another.
What a fucking sellout bitch!

why are you such a fucking sellout all of a sudden?
when will you just die already and get it over with?

but here is another paypal link just in case you are
having problems finding it. i am such a fucking sellout.

A lot of you though may be saying though
“John your such a fucking sellout!”

Listen man, my whole idea was to sellout from day one.
Mozart is such a fucking sellout. Media whore.

Except it’s not the best, you fucking sellout!
You majored in humanities because you wanted to

change the world, not be stuck behind a desk!
I’m finally able to scream ‘You fucking Sellout,

I’m gonna put you away’ with my favourite band.
You fucking sellout " " Glad you liked it as much as me "

"How much did Bruce Willis pay you at Planet Hollywood !
Can you say pussy whipped?

What does Judy have on the leaders at the NY Times?
Fucking sellout bitch.

Fuck Jackie Chan for being such a fucking sellout.
Fuck Michelle Kwan for being our All-American Girl,

with her big-ass nose and jacked-up teeth.
They havent fucking soldout! listen to their music,

theyve always had those pop hooks in their songs.
so get over yourselves if you don't like them

That they're not fucking sellouts, and they're loyal
to their fans. And they have far more musicianship

skill than any poser I can recall watching
they've worked hard for it, they're not fucking

sellouts, so leave Timothy William Burton
and John Christopher Depp II alone.

the flarf don't stop!!

2006-07-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

My Poetry Professor

my poetry professor says that
i should write more like ROBERT FROST.

now my poetry professor’s PC alarms
are ringing, clinging and clanging.

My poetry professor basically told me
that I wasn’t writing about what I knew best

or at least wasn’t conveying exactly what I meant.

Sipe set me down & said listen Ron you
got talent as a writer why in the hell

are you a business major here?
my poetry professor was Bob Grenier.

It also means that I had a very valid reason
for despising my poetry professor;

did she really think it had meaning? ...
My poetry professor, I can’t remember her name,

but, Our assignment was to write a poem on the
theme of Eggs, or seeds, Life-bearing things.

Thanks be to my poetry professor for letting me
take pictures of him! He rocks!

Well, first my poetry professor forced me to read poetry.
However, even my poetry professor was put off and

confounded by me wanting to talk about my poems.
i really like my poetry professor, like, way way

way too much. he's married and in his late 20s i think!
he's just so goddamn cute and nerdy!

My poetry professor in college Would agree with that.
He said my writing was pointless.

"Too loose. It feels confusing."
He knew me inside. I am confused.

My poetry professor told me it has a
presumptuous ending, but he admits that

I managed to pull it off.
This was published by sffworld.com under the name J.J. Reddy

It was here that I came to know my poetry professor
who had learned of my plight somehow and had chosen

to keep me abreast of my studies by paying me
as many different ways as you like --

often finding meanings that the writer never intended.
And besides, my poetry professor thinks that I show promise

My poetry professor says its nouns are too abstract.
It is a poem Only in a world where arms legs screams

skulls tears shattered beds and shattered buses
My poetry professor would say that your subject title

is awfully sexual.
My poetry professor once told me she would have been

so happy to have had me as a daughter and it made me
totally start crying in class.

My poetry professor says that if I write just one poem a week
a year I'll have enough for a chap book.

I'm going to call it Thirsty, or maybe Thirsting.

ha ha ha

2006-07-13T04:37:00.000-07:00

THEIR POEMS SUCK

All poets believe deep down that they
really have no idea whether their poems

suck or not. They hope someone will think
for a few moments: Hey, this doesn't

hey man, you should stop telling people how
much their poems suck straight to their face

jeez. i've seen like 10 pages and all of them say
Odd that this feels really uncomfortable for me to ask

whereas it's easy for me to tell people
that their poems suck. Speaking of sucky poems

Be constructive. Give options. The point is to
build confidence not break it. Remember if you

can't even back up why you don't like the poem
then YOU suck

If they needed a reason to shut down the Poetry Club,
how about the fact that their poems SUCK

That's why they bring us down.
Poems that don't suck are okay, even if they are a bit sad

at times. re: I get what you're saying
Don't tell people their poems suck, or

make anyone feel like shit
jamelah: do their poems suck?

firecracker: that like my hair would be soaked in men?
firecracker: that just sounds dirty

firecracker: of course they do
your poems suck. they have no meaning what so ever.

i like how people who contribute bad comments can't spell.
Mutha Chucka: Seriously -- your poems suck. Please spare us.

Instead, they will be all impressed at their friends'
'sensitive sides' and shit like that, and be like,

'oooh, you wrote a poem ...
Man your poems suck man. Chris said, Not my poems

I dont like your attitude Im not sure if youre a guy or
As my first post--I'm just gonna say the obvious--Josh your poems suck. ...

Pariah, i don't think your poems suck.
You shouldn't be negative toward your work,

because i think it's very good
But I guess if all your poems suck & this is

the best you have, then you don’t have much choice.
But just to be fair, this poem really isn’t any worse

None of your poems suck, you see
So cram the poems in your ass!!!

your poems suck & don't ever try writing
poetry again cause it sounds like shit.

and have no wit. Go out and show you want to live,
Or slit your wrist and get it over with.

I just wrote these when I felt like it,
so don't you go "these poems suck" because thats

like calling a paraplegic trying to move a slowpoke.
But when I say that a lot of these poems suck,

I say it because I think they're lame, inauthentic,
sloppy, clichéd – the reasons that so many poems suck.

Advertisement for why these poems suck
All these poems suck what about my jap poems

"These poems suck almost as much as I do
for writing them! Just kidding!

I kick too much ass ahhhhhhh!!!11111!!!1".
Yes, I write poems. ...

These poems SUCK and were meant to,
but we all had a laugh reading some student's

comments about them.
If only I had those comments

people who say that these poems suck are
just jealous and haterz well laterz ...

Then I went into another area of our discussions and
he had written "these poems suck"

I don't know if he was talking about mine

i'm getting good!!

2006-07-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

MY POEMS ARE BETTER

Haw, all my poems are better than any of yours.
I mean- I've seen yr ditties- you may be able to

argue you’re better than a Wilfred Owen but
My poems are better, plus I dont freak out

when asked questions.
when i get angry i notice my poems are better.

also when my feelings get crushed or hurt
i write better.i write from my heart and from my emotions signed ...

My poems are better, I’ma better actress,
I’ma better writer, and I’ma better artist.

Get over it. You tell me all the time how
you like Kaitlin more than me but

my poems are better then yours get over it.
My poems are better than his, though.

Much funnier, don't you think?
well, my poems are better in english than in french!!!

"But give me love over, love over, love over this"
"Come up to meet you, ..."

I make a ruckus, because my poems are better.
Then I hide in the crowd and he tries to find me,

but can't. Working on a U2 video.
the publisher was fucking, but i saw the poems

and said, "my poems are better than that!
why won't you publish mine?!" he said, "we will!" and they did!

"I don't think I'ma very good reader,
I think my poems are better studied on the page.

I don't think my poems are better than yours at all, Rogue!!!!!!
You write AWESOME stuff, sweetie!!!!!

I would write this in elvish, but I am in the kinko's

I'd say my poems are better than average.
However, I take into account what "average" is.

"Average" is a rhyming-end country song lyric about love.
I don't even have enough to buy beer and incomparison,

my poems are better. Finaly, the Poetess isn't expecting a letter.
The one who has created the object.

My poems are better in spanish, I swear.
But this is my first one in english!! YAY!

Lol, I need a coffee.
but that's just me.

My poems are better than yours. Aha!
And I am not quitting poems either.

i need help to stop!! seriously!!

2006-07-11T15:10:00.000-07:00

I WANT TO BE A FAMOUS POET

Ted Berrigan once said, "I want to be a famous
poet before I become a good one."

Both wishes were granted.
He became a famous one.

I want to be a famous poet
so that i can have the power to undo ties that corset you (all).

I want to be surrounded.
I want to be the prolongation.

One day I want to be a famous poet
or a lawyer.

My dream is to be published and
known all over the world,

I need an agent to help me make this a reality.
When I grow up, I want to be a video game designer,

but if I don't get the job
I want to be a famous poet.

I got inspired from my dad after I saw that he
after I saw that he wrote a hole book of poems every year.

nice to meet you !
i am going into publishing,

i want to be a famous poet
and write songs for them!!!

I know that day will come for me.
"I don't want to be a famous poet

out of personal ambition," says Keyvan,
"I want to be a poet of the people and

the means by which a lot of money is raised.
he never lived as if the major thing in his life

was to be a famous poet. He always lived
as part of the community of poetry, Bly says

You don't have to be a famous poet like Emily
Dickinson to write poetry. However, I think you

can do better than the Unknown Poet. Give it a try! ...
So it doesn't look like I'm going to be a famous poet either.

No great loss there I suppose.
Poets all seem to be struggling to make ends me from what I've heard.

my dad wanted to be a famous poet in India,
but then he took a physics class,

Better to be a famous poet in a chilly wet climate I suppose.
Close to the native inspiration.

Please, Lord, Make Me a Famous Poet or at Least Less Fat:
If you are a famous poet or would like to know more about

becoming a famous poet, please email me
When he was a farmer he started to think seriously

about becoming a famous poet. What he didn’t expect
was to be on of the most famous poets known today

Middlebrook shows the reader Sexton's intense
determination and devotion to becoming a famous poet.

Anne would sit at her typewriter for hours everyday
I�ve often fantasized about becoming a famous poet,

but after hearing this tidbit of information, my fantasies
usually go like this:

"Hi, welcome to the famous Stinking Rose restaurant,
here in the heart of San Francisco's North Beach.

I'm Sarah, your poet laureate and waitress for this evening."
It is as if he is settling into himself as just a man,

not a famous poet.
He was not a famous poet during his times

which is reflected in his poetry itself.

another 1!! someone stop me!!

2006-07-10T19:12:00.000-07:00

What If My Students

See this picture? Or the Dean of Liberal Arts?
I dream about being up here delivering this talk

without notes, in my underwear.

Can I hide it from my students to use at another time?
A: Yes! If the eye is open, the announcement is shown.

It’s so intelligent, well-thought-out,
and clearly presented that I'm tempted

to hide it from my students.
What if my students find this blog,

And then go to my other blog?
Are my students disrupting other classes?

Does the front office listen in?
My students see me being hauled off in paddy wagons

or ambulances dead stinking drunk.
My students are terrible.

So I'm screwed every which way,
but my students are screwed even more.

Thus, some of my students are screwed
for life even before they get to the 9th grade.

'When my students found out what I earned,
they advised me to change jobs.'

my students found out I have a game system
and now want to come over...

I dont think I am okay with that!!!
My students found my blog.

Hence, the new location and title
I would die if one of my students found my blog

Knowing this . . . tonight I "googled" my name
I do find myself giving more attention to my male students

than my female students.
I also find my female students enjoy study of the spear or long staff,

it being an equalizing weapon.
Or as I tell my female students, "Just spread your legs and fly".

I was unable to suppress the strong feelings for my students that were developing -- or to hide the happiness I felt with them.

if my students read it, they know that I had
crazy sex with the professor down the hall,

and I would never censor them if they wanted to comment
I'm always making these weird noises while I teach that I'm afraid
my students will think is me farting.

Have your students read my work, and discuss it with them.
Encourage your children to visit my website
to found out more about me.

two new flarfies (now I can't stop!!)

2006-07-10T05:53:00.000-07:00

I'M MIDDLE CLASS

And yet, according to the world's capitalist ideologues,
I'm not working class; I'm 'middle class'.

Well fuck the middle class.
A normal life is past.

Middle class, middle class, middle class.
I'm in debt up to my ass.

"I'm middle class," pollsters are told, over and over,
by Americans of all social and economic backgrounds.

Complete Idiots that should be fired
When you are casting your working class vote on 5th May, remember this.

I'm middle class now, 10%.
I've always been middle class, 10%.

Shove off mate, 6.5%.
I'm not on the electoral register, 3%.

We've got double glazing, thanks.

I'm not sorry because
I didn't choose to be, and I've worked in factories.

I might have a nice house but just because I've got money,
doesn't mean I'm middle class. I'm not having it.

Why do I think I'm middle class, when my wife
and I have more income than 95%?

By virtue of education, ambition, and discipline.
I like eating in nice restaurants.

Two careers, three children.
I’m glad Arsenal lost.

I'm middle-class! However, I've got over it now.
I'll be an aristocrat now if they want me to be.

I got a tax cut.
Of course it wasn't big enough.

I'm white and I've never had children.
Thank God, because since the middle class has been destroyed over the last few years.

I'm middle class, work very hard, to save and pay my bills.
Unlike the rich or very poor, my wealth lies in my skills.

With conservative views on most things.
My hair is slowly leaving me.

Oh I'm so glad that I'm middle class,
with my own set of teeth and fingernails,

cultivating weeds to eat for my tea,
that is no life for me.

I still think I'm middle class though,
because I'm certainly not living in poverty.

I WENT TO PRIVATE SCHOOL

Jodie Foster, I went to private school and wore a uniform.
I wasn't sheltered because I saw everything and knew everything.

I went to private school in the city and
I had friends who went to public school,

so I know the differences.
Should politicians send their kids to public schools?

I went to private school my whole life,
and now teach at a public school.

In some ways, I was overprotected and sheltered from the world. ...
I was able to see the differences and similiarities between the two. ...

I went to private school.
My children go to public school.

While I believe in our decision to send them to public school,
I am never completely comfortable.

Because if I went to private school,
I'd burn my skirt.

Looking back, though, I have to ask myself
did the fact that I went to private school help me

I went to private school because my parents didn't like the public ones.
Believe me we had crime and noncaring teachers also but not as bad.

OMG!! my first flarf poem (this took 4 minutes!!)

2006-07-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

I Love Being White

I Love Black People
I Love Europeans
I Love Filipinos

I am also a Christian.
Do I sound like good dating material?

I have morals.
If romance comes my way,
he had better be single!

Because if he isn't,
I am not interested

Why is my white pride mistaken for racism?
I love being white and think

that is a blessing from the lord
that every morning I wake up and
look at my beautiful white skin. Is that wrong?

I love being white. I wish I was asian
That Burning Cross on Our Lawn?
We're Just Being Ironic

I love being white and I
think it’s something to be very proud of
I don’t want our culture diluted

I love being white
FUCK YOU RACIST

I just wanted to let you know that
I love being white trash with you

and going to ghetto braums and being 'Trekkers'
It's definately my favorite

I love being white and wouldn't
want to be any other race
I don't hate other races,
there are bad people in all races

I was thinking I'd get a tee-shirt
that said "I love being white"

omg!!

2006-07-06T17:56:00.000-07:00

i've only been open for one day and i've already received 100 chapbooks in the mail. it's very exciting. they are all so lovely, soon i will type in the name of each one and talk about what a great job all these editors are doing and how they're using real lambface and sewing the spine with dental floss or whatever! omg i love community! i was at whole foods the whole day!! it's sooo funny that that came up. but seriously, before and after yoga. when jimmy comes over i'm gonna suggest we play blogger word verification scrabble!! haw! dfsggh! 500 points!! keep those chapbooks comin' everyone!! i really care about you!

i became a poetry blogger today!!

2006-07-05T18:07:00.000-07:00

which is also my birthday, thank you very much!! which i spent with my poetic power couple partner, big jimmy!! hell yeah. i worked on grant proposals while he ate sunflower seeds out of my lap! we're working on a renku cycle of poems called Jim and Natasha's Hot, Hot Asses!! those will probably be in the hat!! so look for those!

i'm just so excited to be alive! can't wait to be in your poetic community! i get to be smurfette! haw haw! when i laugh it's loud in my nose. wow!